The Iron Age...

is what I'm supposed to be writing about elsewhere, but there is still this afternoon...


I thought things were fine, I thought that they were sorted out. I felt close to him, I felt as if he would no longer keep himself at arms-length away from me.

Then it happened again, the glitch, the power-drop, the thing that has no name that I associate with him taking pleasure away, punishing me without calling it that.

I thought I'd been punished enough, I'd thought that he'd finally understood...And if there is punishment it should be an ordeal and made to serve a better purpose than his unconscious resentments and fears.

The power-drop is the psychic equivalent of being smashed against a wall; It leaves me disoriented, bruised, angry. I can feel the thin energy-lines that were only a moment ago brimming with a fine blue light, now filled with heavy, leaden pain. It is poisonous and killing...it's the kind of thing that creates depression, proves to me that life is not worth living. Really, too much of it and I have to leave because I know that this stuff is too wrong and should not be endured.

Now he wants to talk.
I really do not want to talk, there is absolutely nothing positive to be said.

But nor is there anything else to be done; he wont see what has gone wrong and do something to help me, it wont occur to him that the solution isn't to be found in an intellectual discussion, or that trying something, anything, is better than entering the spin-wash cycle that is his 'desire for purification' gone wrong.

Eventually, via words, it looks as if the cause is his method of orgasm control.

He doesn't have any.
He may call it control but I certainly don't.

Control isn't being able to switch off!

Since when has the way into consciousness, knowledge, staying alive even, been switching off! The dead are switched off, the drug addled and ignorant are switched off, much more of this from him and I will joint them.

So, his method of  control is to drop the energy, regardless of what that does to me!

He doesn't hold it and let it fill him.

He is like a child that has been shouted at and just lets go into being 'good' without paying any attention to the consequences.

Needless to say I would be ashamed of myself if I did it that way, if I treated him so disrespectfully. Sex is union, in his case it is a union with more than just me...Sex for me is prayer and service.

I don't care a fig what he uses sex for, but for me it has always been sacred.

One's partner feels the energy, that is why I was a good consort, I could allow the energy to fill me and not drop it or lose it. I wasn't greedy or weak...but I am proud.

So that's that...


If you are wondering how to stop yourself from falling into orgasm obviously it isn't taking your mind completely out of it, it isn't dropping it as if it's stolen goods or something you have been told not to touch. The way is to to treat it as one does thought, in meditation. Just let it be, let it fill you, but don't let it connect with the (in my case) top of your head.

I assume it is better to visualise the energy system as a network of channels. Orgasm fills the channels during sex. The main channel goes to the top of the head. When this is filled, orgasm can happen, but it is best to let the energy fill this channel and let it remain there for as long as possible...in the seat of the thousand petaled lotus.

The pale blue light that fills the channels is beautiful and good, there is nothing more beautiful...the solidification, the caustic dry ash belongs in the Plutonium realm; it blows through the underworld...