The blue book of crashes...at the edge of vanilla.

I like the title Edge of Vanilla, Tom's blog.
But the edge of vanilla is not a happy place for me to find myself.

I thought that pushing things into a D/s template would sort the energies out, prevent his anxiety, allow me to experience the edges and go beyond. But we have stayed too long, are stuck at the edges of vanilla.

I don't want to say that I'm wrong about it being the right thing, but it looks to me as if I am wrong. He can't go any further with me than the sea shore...there is no solar ship to cross through the 12 gates.

I fell in love with him because I trusted that he had a taste for the dark. I trusted that he would catch me if I fell, that he could go where I go and that he could love me for it; that the fracture lines in my soul could be made to sing.

I think I was wrong.





So to record the crashes and the bad bits, another blog: 
The Blue Book.


There is a link at the side of this page.